I Hated Bill Brown

Compared to most people, I'm a late bloomer. It wasn't until my college years that I first I understood how much bitterness and unforgiveness affected me. It was then that ran across an old nemesis of mine: Bill Brown.

The funny thing was, Bill Brown didn’t even know that I hated him or held anything against him. He had no reason to think that because I never told him how much I hated him. I never told him how much he hurt my feelings back in grade school. You really have to hear the whole story to get how ridiculous this is…

It all started when I finished the sixth grade. That summer I went to Honey Rock camp for a two week sports camp. I was supposed to be in a cabin with kids my own age but one of the counselors was a player on my dad’s soccer team at Wheaton College so he recruited me to be in his cabin with guys that were in high school.

Think about what you were like as a 6th grader and if you were a sophomore in high school, how would you have responded to some puny 6th grader invading your cabin space. Well, Bill Brown, I’ll just say it. He was a jerk. One day, for no reason, he stole my shoes and threw them in the lake. They were my new shoes. He didn’t throw them too far, I retrieved them off the murky shores but they were filled with mud and soaking wet of course. Worst of all, they were my only shoes. I was so angry I did the only thing I knew how to do at the moment: I cried.

A couple of the guys I remember felt bad for me and treated me really nice after that. But not Bill Brown. Oh sure, he apologized. But only because the counselor made him do it. Even though he said he was sorry, I knew he didn’t really mean it. So I didn’t really forgive him.

Turns out, 3 years later, I entered high school and Bill Brown was a senior and every time I saw him in the hallway I’d get all these evil thoughts that would run through my mind, like: “Wouldn’t it be great at the next cross-country meet to stick ex-lax in his Gatorade. That’d show him!”

I never did that. But the thought of revenge was always in my mind. And I held on to that hurt and secretly hated Bill Brown all that time. But the funny thing is, the more I held on to it, the more he seemed to cross my paths. Wouldn't you know it, a few years later, when I was a freshman at Wheaton College, I ran into Bill Brown again. I was on the soccer team, he was in cross-country and his locker was right across from mine.

By that time, the anger had run its course and I had to deal with this and one day I just said to Bill Brown: “You know Bill, you probably don’t remember me (he interrupted and said, “Yeah you’re the little turd who’s shoes I threw in the mud!)… No he didn’t say that…. I said: “Back like 10 years ago you threw my shoes in the lake at Honey Rock and I’ve never forgiven you.”

You know what. He didn’t even remember doing it! But the amazing thing was, he apologized anyway. And from that day on we were best friends!

Actually, not really. But the truth is, I let go of that bitterness. It was this stupid incident that I refused to forget and let go of and it kept eating away at me and just to get him back I secretly hated him—how stupid is that! The only person who I was hurting was myself. 

Colossians 3:13 says: Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

This is a verse that’s talking about loving others through the act of forgiveness. Although holding a grudge or getting revenge is our natural response to being hurt, it is really an act of hatred in our heart. We want those who hurt us to suffer and feel the same pain they inflicted on us. But that human logic is a trap. We need to understand that forgiveness is not saying that what somebody did was right or that there shouldn’t be consequences for what happened. It just means that you let go of your anger and hurt and give it to God so that you can move on with God’s purpose for your life. Don’t let the Bill Browns of your life hold you hostage.

When it seems impossible to be gracious toward someone, just remember one thing: Jesus forgave you. He erased all your sins when you believed on him and received him by faith. Remembering the grace God has shown you will give you the strength to be gracious to and forgive others.

So where do you need to extend grace today? Perhaps you need to forgive someone in your family. Perhaps it's someone at work. Or in your church. Maybe you need to forgive yourself. Maybe it's God you need to forgive. It's time to make that decision to let go. It's time to extend your hand, dare to smile, build a bridge. It's not easy. It's not natural. But when we forgive we find that a prisoner has been set free. And that prisoner, is us.